Doctoral Observations

I seem to have been working on a PhD since early childhood but suppose I shall finish or give up eventually. In the meantime here are a few observations which have occurred to me:-

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, my hair keeps falling out.
Doctor: Tell it not to be so quarrelsome.

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I’ve got a grumbling appendix.
Doctor: Hmm, it sounds more like a stomach complaint to me.

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I’m feeling down in the mouth.
Doctor: Try plucking the chicken before you cook it.

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I seem to have this continual pain in the backside.
Doctor: The divorce lawyer is next door.

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I keep repeating myself.
Doctor: I see. Next time you come to see me, just try saying, “Doctor”.

And I couldn’t resist an old favourite:-
Receptionist: Doctor, the Invisible Man still is in the Waiting Room.
Doctor: Tell him I can’t see him.